Epilogue

It’s been a year since my world had been uprooted and then tossed out the window. Everything I knew, or at least what I thought I knew, was a lie.

President Wilson, as I knew him before, broke the horrible news to me.

I had developed a mental disease that turned everything and everyone into nightmares before my eyes. I was made to forget those two terrible years and then a whole new world was implanted in my mind.

It began like this:

“It’s started about two years ago, and I could do nothing to help you but dump your memories and give you completely different ones. You had a memory disorder where you didn’t know what a monster of nightmare or real was.” He said with his head bowed.

“What do you mean by not being able to help me?” I asked.

“It means that I am your father. I had no power over what you were going through. Your real name is Linsie Carolan; you live in a small town in South Carolina and go to school at Black Falls High School. We had to pull you out of school last year: You beat another student to the verge of death.”

“What did I use?” I asked slyly with a smile.

“Linsie, that’s not my point,” he said, although with a beaming smile. “You used a weight from the gym.”

“How creative . . .” I pondered with a nervous laugh.

“Enough; anything else you would like to know?”

“What’s your name, who is my best friend, and how did you replace my memories?”

“My name’s Wilson; we replaced your memories by hypnotism which was very difficult to accomplish. Your best friend two years ago, well, was your brother.”

“Can I see him?” Hope flared inside my chest.

“I’ll bring him in, just be careful, okay.” Wilson got up, and upon returning, he placed a picture frame in my shaking hands.

The first thing I saw was the boy’s exact likeness to me: Blonde hair, multi-colored eyes, tan skin, same nose, same arch of the eyebrows- everything was the same. He had an arm around . . . wait. Is that me? It was me. I looked exactly like I did when I thought I was in the Capitol, looking in the mirrors after Seth’s team was done with me the night of the parade. We were both smiling, he wearing a tux with a dark green tie and hanky in his pocket while I wore a dark green floor length strapless dress. People milled about dressed in similar formal dress. “Where’s he now?”

“Car accident last year. He was on his way to see you in the hospital after you fell down a set of stairs. A semi T-boned his little BMW; we were told he died instantly.”

“What was his name?”

“Louis.”

I felt a terrible sense of sorrow fill me and I wanted to cry. “Although I don’t know him now, I miss him. I feel like a piece of me is missing.” A silent tear escaped me. “What about mom?”

“Died in childbirth with you and Louis. It’s just us, Linsie.”

“Do I have anyone else I was close to?” My knuckles turned white on the frame as betrayal swept through my heart. I’m sorry, Louis, but I have to recover my life. Or what was left of it.

“I’m not sure, but we’re sending you back to school tomorrow,” ‘we’re’, as in Wilson and the doctors.

I suddenly was struck by a thought that probably should have come earlier. “How old am I?”

“You’re seventeen.” My eyes widened and he laughed. “The doctors wanted you to think you were younger because the younger you think you are, the better chance of success.” Wilson stood, and before he left, he turned back. “I’ll be driving you tomorrow, so no need to think about where the bus stop is.”

For the rest of the day, the only thing I could think about was my brother. And that night, I dreamt about the life I thought I had lived.

School now isn’t so bad. I have friends who help me remember what I was like before I lost my mind. Only that one year is missing, but I’m fine with the absence of it because I don’t want to remember those nightmare-filled days.

“Hey, Lin, are you coming up or what?”

Shaylyn broke through my thoughts and I looked up at her: Dark, red hair framing her pale laughing face. Next to her was a black boy about six foot- a whole foot taller than she. And a little farther off, standing alone was a boy waiting for me: Dark hair, grey eyes, olive skin, six-foot-two, and the most gorgeous smile of all.

And best of all: He was mine. Matthew was exactly like Jake; whether that’s a good thing or bad, I’ll never know. I smiled back to him and began my climb up the sheer face of the cliff. I remembered the climbing gear that fateful day. At least it’s being used.

Up above I heard a yell. “Hold on, Linsie!” It was Barry, who never yelled . . . and with such anxiety in his voice. I suddenly felt the rope go slack and watch it fall to the ledge I first started on with a frayed end. It was over forty yards below. Panic flared as I clung to the rock.

“Please hurry!” My voice hitched up an octave as my arms began to shake with the strain. Matt kept looking over the edge, worry evident on his face.

“Stop! Just throw a rope to her and pull her up!”

“We can’t do that, Matt. There’s nowhere to secure to rope . . . .”

“Damn it, Barry: I don’t care! We have to get her up one way or another.” Matt dropped a rope down and I tied it to my waist. “Ready?”

“Please hurry,” I called again. I was jerked up, skin tearing off my arms and legs. I had a great way to go when the rope jolted to a stop. “Matt . . . .”

“Grab onto something and hold on. Don’t worry, just don’t let go.” He dropped another rope, this one twice as thick as the first. “Tie this on then undo the other, and please be quick about it.” When I did so, the second rope dropped, slightly frayed too. I told him I was ready. I took off again, adding more cuts and bad bruises. I was just about to the top when Matt slipped. Barry grabbed for him, but it was too late. We both fell down the face and Shaylyn screamed. I caught a big rock and stopped, my nails breaking off painfully. As Matt passed me, I reached for his belt. My shoulders almost popped out of their sockets, but I retained a firm grip on the rock and Matt.

“Thanks, Linsie,” Matt whispered when he righted himself, pressing close to the rocks beside me.

“No problem,” I said. “Hey, guys: Call for help,” I yelled up to the two.

And that’s when it happened.

I turned my head to my other side, and there was Logan with a murderous grin splitting his face. He grabbed my wrist, and leaning close, he spoke. “I’ll get you back. I swear upon it.”

I screamed, forgetting to hold on, and Matt grabbed me. “Get away from me, Logan! I know you’re not real, so why are you here? How can this happen?” I screeched, tears streaming down my face in pure terror.

It’s happening again. Oh, Lord, make it end!

“Linsie, calm down; no one is there,” I heard Matt say. But when I turned to face him, I only saw Jake with the knife in his chest.

“Jake, why are you here, too? You died; or at least they made me think you died.” I wailed, crying harder. “I’m so confused! I don’t know anymore!”

“Help is on the way, just stay put,” Barry distantly yelled. Jake continued to hold onto me so I wouldn’t fall, the rope wrapped tightly around him.

“It’s okay; just remember that they’re not real.”

“No, they’re there! Can’t you see them? You have a knife in your chest and Logan is going to take me again.” I dropped my voice, plunging on. “Please don’t let him rape me again, Jake. I couldn’t handle it a second time. Don’t die on me either: I’ll fall apart.”

“Linsie, what wrong?”

“Are you talking to me? My name isn’t Linsie! It’s Caroline Sullivan, and I live in District Twelve.” I looked around.” This isn’t home, where am I?” I paused, filled with sudden dread, a lead ball dropping somewhere in my body.

“Am I in the Games again?” I shook with horror. “Nonono! I can’t be there again! Not with you, not with Jake. Oh, please no! Make this end!” I screamed.

“Matt, what’s wrong with her?” I looked up to see the girl from Four flanked by the boy from Six.

“I killed you, Four! A knife in your chest after I killed your companion with fire. How is this happening? You all died!”

“Hold on up there.” Someone far below me called.

“Caroline, come to me. I want you back,” Logan’s eyes called to me, and just for a moment, I was tempted to fall into his chest. But memories returned. With a vengeance.

“I won’t Logan. You took me once, and though you died, you’re back for more.” I whipped out my knife and began sawing at the thick rope holding Jake and I together.

“Linsie! Don’t do it! We’ll get you help, just please don’t jump.” Jake was crying, but I ignored it.

“I’m sorry, Jake, but this is the only way I can get away from the confusion.” The rope broke and I fell, face up, about a hundred yards down to where I started.

The last thing I saw was Matt- I knew it was Matt, not Jake this time- reaching for me. It was hopeless.

“Good-bye everyone,” I whispered to myself.

Then, there was darkness.